There are so many things that I am working on lately. By lately I mean the couple of years.

A lot of the beliefs holding us back are unconscious programs running in our subconscious. There are so many great thought leaders that tell us this and can prove it with science. It may have started when you were a child and something your parent(s) said like we can’t afford that when you wanted something. That starts a belief that you can’t have things you want. It leads into a belief about money not coming easily to you. And so on and so on. You get my drift.

In order to get past the beliefs we need to change the subconscious thinking. To do that you have to be conscious of it. You have to disrupt or break the pattern. Believe me it is HARD to always be managing your thoughts. That is why we have a subconscious anyway- to manage the things we don’t need to think about. But once you get the hang of knowing when you start following a subconscious program you can stop it simply by thinking a positive thought instead. Sometimes that is hard and it feels weird. I mean you were running a program that was negative! Of course positivity will be hard! But things that are uncomfortable make room for better things. You need space to hold that positivity.

The easiest way to start becoming more positive in your thoughts is to become grateful. You become grateful by practicing gratitude. I have heard so many thought leaders and therapists speak about this also for relationships. It truly works for everything.

To start here are some easy tips.

Keep a gratitude journal

Buy a fancy notebook or journal or don’t. Use a sticky pad. Whatever you need or like to keep it up. You can start with 3 things each day but I personally like 5. Writing down 5 things you are grateful for at the beginning of your day is a wonderful start to changing your programs. It can be coffee. It could be the weather. It could be that someone you know beat an illness. Big or small things, it doesn’t matter. I also like to write down goals in my gratitude journal. 10 goals and I write them as if I have achieved them. “I am a successful entrepreneur.”

Notice the positive things

When your brain starts making you notice the things that you dislike- the dishes not being done-or whatever ticks you off. Try to notice the good. Take a look around and see what is done. What your partner helped you with. What the kids were able to do without you. And just think to yourself. I am thankful for that. Like I said it takes practice because it feels weird when you are used to a negative loop. I know, believe me. We have to keep working at it.

Practice the pause

This is seriously one of the hardest things for me to do but when I do it, I feel so much better. It usually results in a better outcome of ..ANYTHING I am doing. This goes along with everything above. It is a moment to get conscious about what is happening in your environment and more importantly in your programming. It is a great tool when you feel like the stress of the situation is just too much. You just have to break the cycle and actually do it. I am working on it SO HARD. Today my almost 3 year old who is in the midst of potty training and is the strongest willed person on earth, and I were having a power struggle to end all power struggles. And I found myself doing everything that my programming is set up for. Shaming to get compliance, threatening to get compliance, a swat on the tush and I mean, it was an endless loop. She was crying before we even got here and somehow I thought that would make it better. At my breaking point I put her down on her bed and went to walk away and her cries of despair at the whole situation and now Mama is leaving her were too much. I started sobbing. It wasn’t until that pause and my cries that she calmed down. I had tried a bath, fresh air and distraction and nothing until that moment. I WISH I could take most of the evening back. But I can’t and I need to use it as a learning tool to practice the pause.

There are just a few tips. This honestly could go on forever. There are so many amazing teachers and each with their own skill sets you can learn from.

What are your ways to live a life more full of gratitude?

Oh no! Taboo topic ahead! Don’t read further if you believe the bs that parents don’t know what is best for their kids!

Ok disclaimer done. Let’s get on with it. I know that was a pretty loaded intro but it is pretty true. Co-sleeping is one of the most taboo things parents are told. It is dangerous and your babies will likely never recover from the attachment that it provides. You want to be able to have a life again? Forget it, if you co-sleep or even if you share a room!

Now I can understand how this became a thing. If one baby was hurt or worse then it is worth looking at the whole situation. That doesn’t mean overcorrect. That means figuring out what is safe and making sure people know that. In this case they went all in the opposite direction.

There are so many great groups, businesses and women out there that are trying to put it back right. To let others know that you can co sleep safely. I completely suggest you go find reputable sources and find out what they say. This post is not about the safety of it or not. This is about my struggle with it. I love co-sleeping.

I love co-sleeping. I am not getting up and nursing a baby in the middle of the night. I know they show images of mamas in rocking chairs in a dimly lit room and quietly smiling at their baby while they nurse or bottle feed. Are we kidding?! In what world do you know a mama that has been dealing with all the things during the day, who then can even peel her eyelids open enough to wander to another room MULTIPLE TIMES A NIGHT. MY GAWD. I mean even if it is the same room, I can barely get my eyes open to check the time on my phone. So no that is not me. What is me, that is rolling a baby gently to the either side of the bed whenever they wake to nurse. Then almost all the time falling asleep with their little body snuggled up to mine.

I take extra care to make my bed as safe as can be for my baby. I sleep in only my nursing bra and underwear so no clothes to get tangled in. I have an Arms Reach Bassinet next to my bed on my side and my husband on the other. We have no extra blankets or pillows laying in the bed. My hair is always tied up or back. I cover myself halfway and hold the blankets down from around my babies with my arm while they are snuggled next to me.

What are the benefits to sleeping with your baby?

I am not even sure that all the evidence is in on it at this point. Moms know what is best for them and their children and somehow that was scared out of us and now we are waiting on evidence that sleeping with our babies is ok. But I understand. So let’s start with temperature and breathing regulation. Calm unstressed sleep for your baby because you are near them. Ability to nurse freely at night. Better brain development and growth.

Let’s talk about what it does not do. It does not make your kids never want to sleep without you. It does not make you spoil your baby. It does not mean you can’t have your sex life back. It doesn’t mean that you can’t sleep well. As well as you can sleep having a new baby anyway.

You can literally have a baby sleep with you and in the crib sometimes. You can put them down for naps or hold them. You can figure out what works for you. The only caveat to this, when you have other children, finding a balance between caring for them and spending time with your baby is difficult. I know this because I have a lot of kids.

The final point I will leave you with, please do your research and do what is right for you with your baby. Haters, mother in laws and mothers be darned. YOU are the important decision maker for your child. And your hubby if you are cool like that. But no other judgement should interfere with what you feel best doing.

What was your preferred method of sleeping with your kids? Did you sleep?

Cleaning with kids is a never ending job. Without kids I could always find more cleaning to do; I might organize my entry way, sort through old clothes or deep clean all the floors. With kids I barely get the food stuck on the floor off within a few days time. Why is it that we strive to be so clean and perfect? Part of it, I feel is society expecting women to do it all even though many of us also work full time jobs outside the home. This is not at all forgetting the women who work full time being a stay at home mom. Another part is the marketing to us by..well..everyone, to have this aesthetic so we can be the person we always dreamed. If we have this furniture or these mixing bowls, then we will truly be the mama/wife/woman we want to be. And then there are some of us that just honestly are extremely sensitive to the mess but are equally overwhelmed by it and struggle with what to do and when. This is also prefaced with mom guilt about not spending the time cleaning, with the kids and woman guilt for not being the one who can do it all.

Who knew that this simple task could be so damn complex? Ultimately…women know. We also can have more balance and less stress about cleaning. But it isn’t easy. It requires us to develop new thought patterns about what is ok and allowing ourselves to be real about the expectations we feel are on us and the ones we put on ourselves. Here are some tips to doing just that. Some are obviously easier than others but hopefully it will spark the change in you and your home to give yourself some balance. Also it is COMPLETELY ok to spend an entire day sitting around and not accomplishing anything on your to do list. We NEED rest. We need SO MUCH rest. If you need me, I’ll be napping.

Have someone help you

I know it is almost a sin to mention this. Really. But when it comes down to it, we can’t do it all. And the women saying that they are-they are lying. They definitely have a maid. It is maddening, unhealthy and unfair to expect that you should take care of everything. So get out a list, make a chore chart or draw straws so everyone can start carrying their weight. Or hire a maid, nanny or both!!

Recently, I heard about Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and it is the path I would recommend to all families who are trying to divide the invisible tasks and visible ones, equally. I’ve only just begun to read on this and it will take time but it is another option for adding some help.

Lean into the mess

Am I saying to lower your expectations? Yes. Ok, ok no, not really. But sort of. I am saying that we need to give ourselves a little grace. We need to know that the mess is going to be there likely, forever. We can’t miss the time that can be spent with our kiddos when they are home. I am not saying never clean either but do give up the feeling that you need to have a perfect house or even mostly clean home all the time. It is not realistic. We live in our homes and our children are making memories. I prefer mine not to remember me constantly cleaning and not doing the fun things they want. Honestly this one is super hard for me because of the clutter. There is definitely anxiety around THAT.

Declutter so things can seem clean

The devil is in the details. The details in the mess is clutter. My number one trick wait, I have two. Number one, is that I declutter all the time. It is a constant purging process. (Honestly this is an issue in itself .) Things are constantly coming into the house that we don’t need. If my decluttering process was me climbing Mt. Everest, I am almost to the peak but still have the descent to deal with. I have processes -ish to keep the papers at bay. I declutter the toys when no one is looking. Clothes are a bit harder, We keep some for younger siblings and nieces and nephews so we always have bins. But I guess that is a process too! We donate everything that we can, recycle after that and the very last thing we do is toss it. Number two, is that I have a place I can hide almost everything. I have a spot for things that I just don’t know how to deal with yet or things that are normally part of our working lives to be put away. Then when people visit or I just need a break from it all, I don’t have to see it. I love to organize but I am a perfectionist with it. I have to scale way back on what I want. And it is probably isn’t healthy for me. Or you, if you have it too.

Random tips

I just recently learned something that was helpful for me with all the socks I have for tiny feet in my family. I got some big laundry bags for things like bras and I fill them up with socks. This has really helped me feel less cluttered when I actually do laundry because the socks aren’t all over. Super inexpensive and they are actually pretty good quality.

Kids art supplies can be exhausting. I don’t deal with markers, crayons or anything else in its original packaging. We take them out and put them into some office organization boxes. We blow through them really fast but kids can reach them easily and put them away quickly.

An old tip from my mom and probably her mom to her, when you have a lot to clean or a bunch of clutter- do something big first. Such as, make your bed. It instantly makes you feel like you have accomplished something and more importantly it looks less cluttered which can give you the push you need to keep going!

Please tell me if have tips to help this craziness!!

Sleep is so wonderful. It is so important. It helps every function of the body. It is when you heal. Why then, do toddlers and kids NOT WANT to do it?

It makes no sense.

I fight with my kids every night at bedtime. They can fall asleep once they wind down. The winding down is the hard part. #parentingishard

We have started earlier, we have created a routine, we have used oils and massage, we have taught belly breathing, we have bribed, exercised, use room darkening shades and we have punished. We have all the loveys, blankeys and anything else that can fit on the bed. We have lullabies on and a Hatch nightlight.

Yet the struggle persists. We start earlier so that there is time to talk, time to allow them to think of all the things that happened during the day and tell us about them. I read that this is a really important time of day because that IS when all these things pop in their minds to tell you.

The next step is to read a book to them. We read and they want to read more and more and more. We have to cut it off somewhere.

We get them all snuggled in and we deep breath for 6 breaths. IF at this point they will even do it. Most of the time they are crying and we are frustrated. They have changed positions 307 times and now they want a glass of water. Also the blanket that is on top of them is too scratchy and they need a new one. Even though when we started, a fit was thrown to get this blanket instead of their sister getting it. Now the sister doesn’t want it either.

But on a perfect night when the planets align, Mercury is not in retrograde (real thing, look it up) and the moon is not embarking on becoming a full spotlight orb in the sky that secretly pulls on all of us like the water in the ocean (also real, look it up), they do take their 6 breaths.

Now just two songs to sing, 456 kisses to give and a million I love you’s to say and hopefully they go to sleep. Ha! I crack myself up!

Rarely does it work out like that. Often I have to lay with the older two and then rock the 2 year old to sleep and also then nurse a baby and put him to bed. Where is my husband during this you ask? He has been barely keeping them appeased until I can get to them. They are all on a mommy kick right now and they don’t want daddy. He does everything he can and everything that they will let him. Sometimes the 2 year old and the baby will go to sleep for him but lately that is not the case.

My question to you, is this your life?

Do you hate to think about your kids “crying it out”? I am pretty sure that is how I got into this situation and I wouldn’t change it. I can’t handle the idea of them having to scream and me not come back when they need me until they fall asleep. No judgement if you can do it. I am sure you are sleeping better than me right now.

Mostly I would like it to be a little quicker to get them all to sleep. So I am re-evaluating our routine.

Here is what we are doing and we will see if it helps!

Dark Room

The room is already darkened with blackout shades. I was thinking that if I really wanted to, I could use command strips to attach it all around the window for a tight fit that blocks the light. I have read this a ton of times. If you want your baby/kid/self to sleep well, make it dark.

Exercise

Make sure they have gotten enough exercise. Preferably outdoors. Fresh air and movement always seems to help them sleep. I am shooting for 20 minutes where they are really active outside. If that means I also need to exercise outdoors, so be it. (Sigh)

Update: I now know that morning sunlight is really important for g

Stop Stimulation

No television or phones for 2 hours before bed. Kicker is that this has to be for parents too. Kids are constantly modeling our behavior. The watch us and soak in everything we do. If we want them to do it, we must too. We can read or color during this time before we really get ready to sleep.

Bath/Jammies/Oil

If it is bath night, take baths and get pajamas on. Then try essential oils. I personally like organic oils and my great friend just told me about these that I will be trying. Edens Garden in Lavender. Lavender is known to calm and alleviate stress. I usually put oil on the feet of little ones because I also get the bonus of rubbing all the pressure points on them. Sometimes I feel like they can’t smell it well though and I definitely want them to smell it. I will place a drop on their wrists also.

Nightlight/Music

10 minute timer where I lay with them and talk about whatever they would like. We also like to pray about anything that may be bothering us when we go to bed. Belly breathing and affirmations are also on the list. 6 deep breaths are known to calm the brain and body.

Finally hugs, kisses and I love you’s. I can sing a song and leave the room.

This is the plan that I am enacting tonight. I really hope it helps and I hope if you try, it could help too. I know that we can’t expect miracles and it will take time to get it right but Lord help us we need something. We need sleep actually. That is what we need.

Please share your bedtime tips if there is something that works for you!

Pregnancy changes things, that part is obvious. And parenthood changes things even more. You read all the books, articles and magazines about it and you feel prepared. You feel like you have all the answers, you got this.

Just like everything in life though, you don’t know until you know. Here are ten things that change when you have kids. Maybe you know them and maybe you don’t.

PERSPECTIVE

Your perspective on the world shifts when you bring a life into it. Things you thought were important become not so much. Things you thought you wanted, needed and worked for seem frivolous. Hell, work becomes something that stands in the way of staying with your baby all the time.

The worry that comes with a child will come and it will never leave. You may look at the world and be afraid. I challenge you to look at the world and the see the beauty though. Starting with that little baby. They are amazing and these are amazing times. Think of all the wonderful things your little creation may do. Cherish every moment. See the positive in every situation with them.

BODY

Ok, ok. I know this one is obvious. But it is the biggest physical change and it can’t be left out. You stretch and grow, you grow ANOTHER HUMAN! Gaahhh that is amazing but also you get acne, big boobs and everything else gets all loose and jiggly. There are parts that just will never go back to the way they were. And they shouldn’t, you just made the biggest miracle come true. Be proud and amazed. Be thankful. And workout if you want to make everything a little more firm and not jiggly.

HOME

Obviously you knew that you would end up with a child’s room in your home. You knew they would now have some things. BUT did you ever think about the fact that your house would never be clean again? Well maybe it could be here and there but basically only for 2 minutes because you made little tornados that blow through destroying everything in their path without so much as a care. I was unprepared.

Also the amount of real estate that baby stuff takes up is insane! Even if I get that back it will just be taken up by kid stuff and then teenager stuff, surely. So know the home will never be clean with kids at home. Don’t wish it away though. I dread the day that my house is always clean. Ok I sort of can’t wait too. It is a delicate balance, ok?

SEX LIFE

Assuming this one is also pretty obvious. Things change when you have a baby’s needs to make sure are met. And you are exhausted. And if one more person makes a demand of my body I may scream. I had no idea that there would be a good chunk of time where I had no desire to even think about it. No interest? That is a whole post in itself!

When the idea came around again and I was interested again, I didn’t realize that it may be better than it was before. Having a baby made me feel like I had done it all and knocked it out of the park, in a good way. Why should I worry about how my body looks or worry about the what ifs. My husband had been with me through it all and saw everything. That has to tell me that he can handle the changes of having a baby. And if we are in the moment I am speaking about, that means they don’t matter to him either. It was a great comfort to figure out.

Things change, yes. Most often you think it will be negative. But you could also be pleasantly surprised! You could feel more womanly and goddess like than ever. You could feel more in touch with your partner than you did before. I say, let’s shoot for the positive!

MONEY

Most people will say how expensive kids are and they will say that it gets more expensive each one you have. I will not debate that fact. I do want to point out this for my parents who do have more than one. I say this, if you have one adding another really doesn’t change it much. Daycare increases. That is the most noticeable. It is amazing how quickly you adjust. You may not even know what you are missing if you arent keeping a close eye. We have 5 and daycare has been the biggest expense. But I don’t feel as though our lifestyle has changed much either. We purchased a more expensive house while we have had babies as well as a vehicle. Overall do we have more debt, yes, but consumer debt has stayed about the same. This is a reason for many to not have more. I think you should do what is right for you but don’t base it on money. What you get from children (even in the crazy, pull out your hair, cry in the bathroom times) is beyond priceless.

What changes surprised you?