Tell me please, did anyone warn you about what it was to have multiple children? Not at the same time but raising more than two kids? No one told me. Maybe most the people that I knew had multiple kids were actually from another generation where you made submissive kids. And they didn’t speak unless spoken to because they knew they were going to catch hands. But if you are trying to raise your kids up right with emotional stability and compassion-how the f&$! do you do it???!!!

I mean I am losing my mind, people? I want to stay home with these folks?! Am I crazy?

I will tell you what I mean. I can barely get any cooperation from any of them. I mean the moment I do is the moment that another one has a meltdown. Plus I have one that is sick right now. You can bet that at least one is being held right now and all of them are testing every limit I have.

We would all have so much more time in the day if we could cooperate 25% of the time. Just a quarter of ALL.THE.HOURS. that I am home with them. Why can’t I get them to do anything without threatening to swat some buns?!

Well truthfully I actually know. It isn’t all my fault that I turn into a raging momster. A lot of it was never learning how to deal with my emotions as a child and being treated the same way I am treating my kids, when my mom was upset. My mom was a single mom. There was not a lot of patience for the three of us. My mom definitely did better than her mom for sure. But there is a lot left to learn there.

What am I doing about it? I am trying to be really inquisitive when my kids are acting up. I am trying to see the need behind the behavior. What is the act communicating?

I am also reparenting myself. Telling my child self I got this and I will take care of us. Learning to understand my triggers and be conscious of my actions. But…..it is so hard. With one maybe it was manageable. With two even. But with 4 tiny people that I am trying to pay serious attention to as well as regulate their emotions, everyday seems insurmountable. Plus I want to teach them, have fun with them, get outside with them and cook nutritious meals for them.

So no one told me that you were on an emotional roller coaster ride every minute of wake time. No one told me it would be like the drop on the roller coaster more often than not and that losing your sh$& on your kids is going to happen no matter how conscious you are. Not one person said it is way harder with more.

So here I am telling you that IT IS HARD. SO HARD. More means more chaos, screaming , disagreements, emotions to handle, messes learning limits and less sleep!

BUT it also means more laughs, more love, more snuggles, more friends, more moments that you never want to forget, more bittersweet times as they grow and more times that you don’t want a thing to change. That is why we were blessed with these babies, to watch them in awe every day. To be their person. To see the good when it feels like the house is caving in.

Keep at it Mama. I see you. No one can do it better than you for those kiddos. You got this and you are doing one helluva job.