Just to be clear, all moms are working moms. And the fact that SAHM, short for Stay at Home Moms, are now being listed as a job in many publications of employment types. That is not only important to me because I might become one, it is important that all moms are recognized for the work they are doing. We are raising the next generation to be better than the last. We are molding humans to be more than their gender, allowing emotions to show of all kinds, appreciating all levels of melanin in the color of skin, showing we are all better together and allowing kids to be who they are. That is the most important job in the f***ing world. Period.

I have always been a working out of the home mom or since the pandemic, a working in the home mom. And I loathe it. I hate being without my babies even though I am pretty sure I would lose my sh** staying home. But I WANT TO. I want to be the person that gets to see all their firsts. I want to be the one to make them a nutritious lunch. I want to be the person teaching them their ABC’s.

It is already too late for a lot of that. My oldest is an adult. I was a single mom with him and would never have had the chance to stay home. The rest of my babies are 6, 5, 3, and 18 months. There is still a lot of time left even if it isn’t with some of them being little. I could homeschool and have even more time with them.

I have always had a decent salary but I work at a financial institution and the benefits were what I really couldn’t let go. Although we needed my income anyway. But my husband can get benefits. They are just not quite as good nor as inexpensive.

How do you know if you can be a SAHM?

That is the question here. And my answer like anything, is you have to jump and just try it. Clarity follows action. However here are the other things I made sure of before deciding to do this because you can’t do it if one income can’t support you.

Make sure one income can support you.

This seems obvious but I mean really, really make sure. Write out your bills-ALL OF THEM. And I mean things you forget too. Haircuts, subscriptions, medical co-pays, when you buy $40 worth of makeup every 3 months. Write it all down. Try to price out yearly items and break them into a monthly item. I did this over days because I knew I wouldn’t get it all in one sitting. I still don’t think I have it all!

Have a back up plan.

What if one income is not working for you? What will you do? You can’t just keep going hoping that it will fix itself. Set yourself up for success. Give your employer the normal time notice or maybe more so if you want to come back you have left on good terms. OR have other options in the pipeline. I had a wonderful interview with a company that I didn’t end up working with. But they remember me and reach out with openings. Maybe neither of those work and you just want to sell things to make extra cash, you could start a blog or e-commerce store. Ultimately be prepared to have to do something else.

Talk with your partner.

Have a deep, difficult conversation about what this will mean. Talk about your roles and what should or should not change at home even though you no longer work outside of it. Ask questions about their feelings about it. Will they feel left out? Will you feel overwhelmed? Will they resent you for not working? Will you resent them for being able to leave the house? There are some things that you just can’t know until you are in the thick of it. But having and keeping an open conversation about what you both need now and in the future will be the most important thing.

Plan your days.

Hahahhahahahha. I know what you are thinking, plan your days with kids?! Lolololololol. I would be thinking that too! I am not suggesting you can keeps kids to a plan. EVER. I mean walking out the door on time for ANYTHING is a feat! No, no what I am suggesting here is that you make a general plan-an idea-if you will, of things to do and accomplish in your days. Maybe just a list of all the things that you could do with the kids in any given month. So when it comes time and you are struggling to keep your sanity, you have a list of things that can occupy them. These are not the chores you need to get done or your household duties. You can make a separate list for those. And let me tell you-I think planning those items out is important too.

Alternatively, maybe a loose schedule of things you can do all day would be helpful as well. It will probably never end up going on the order you planned it. (Like we said above-kids.) But having a itinerary definitely keeps you from running around wasting your days with no idea what is going on or where the time has gone.

Ask someone else for advice.

We all must know someone that is a SAHM. Asking advice is always a good idea. Ask how they do it, what is working and what doesn’t. Are they living a life like you hope to live with your kids? Find out their processes and see what you can implement in your life.

Also find out how it affects their relationship if you are close enough to do so. Are there things they wish they would have thought of or talked about with their partner. Do they have a process in place to keep communication open? Are they still working as a team? You get the gist.

I will soon be answering some of these questions for myself and will become a certified expert in SAHM work. Don’t forget to ask me if you are going to make the switch.

Are you working as a stay at home mom or outside the home?