I am struggling with keeping my cool a lot the last few weeks. I just want to blow up and feel better. Oh I have definitely blown up and screamed at my 6 year old especially. I have not felt better though. I then of course feel more scummy than a rock covered in algae. At the bottom of a lake full of goose poo. Or something else that is super disgusting. I feel super gross is the point.

Being present with her isn’t helping, connection with just me and her isn’t helping and I don’t know what will. She says no to everything. Worse yet she screams just like I do when she is upset so that is an awesome trait I passed along. I know how to stop tantrums from happening as often but it is not working with her. I give her choices so she can feel some control. I let her take on responsibility for her age. I seemingly have all the pieces covered for her. So why are we still struggling so damn hard??

I can tell you.

It is because I am not taking care of me. I am not prioritizing myself. I can’t keep my damn cool while she is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing at her age. I can’t step back to let the anger simmer down.

I am a perfectionist. I want my house clean. I want the toys picked up. I want my kids cleaning up after themselves. I want the laundry done and folded AND put away. Yea. I said it. This doesn’t even scratch the surface. And when none of this is done AND I have 5 kids and their emotions to manage, I feel like I can’t take care of me.

That is the exact issue isn’t it? We let everything else come first. I KNOW THIS. I am sure you know this but somehow self sacrificing everything including our health has come to be a badge of honor.

It is not a badge of honor. It does not make you a superwoman.

You were already a superwoman. Not taking care of yourself is like sitting with kryptonite just to act tough. Please, please do not do this.

How, you ask? I know it is hard starting out when we have had this very real lie told to us, that we should be able to do it all.

Start by taking a shower and drying your hair (if you want). This was the first thing I would start to do after each baby. In that postpartum period, you are not the same but you want to feel a little normal. Take a shower and dry your hair like you used to, normally would or want to. Your hygiene is important too! Let the baby cry, bring a bassinet into the bathroom or put all the kids in front of a screen. Take the time.

Then when you have been doing that somewhat regularly, try something else. The big thing I think I need is time to meditate. You may want to read. You may want to exercise. You may want to nap.

Keep going until taking care of you is as normal as taking care of them. Make your partner help you out, get rid of the partner who doesn’t (kidding-not kidding), ask family or hire someone. If you don’t have those options ask your local government for respite care options. Someone is out there and willing to help you. I promise.

Let’s commit to this mamas. We can take care of others in our best way when we are taking care of ourselves.

How do you self care?