Look I get that a lot of dads do stuff and I get that they help a lot. I have that husband and he is an amazing husband and dad. But that will not stop the invisible load of motherhood.

This is a term I learned from @happyasamother now @momwell on instagram and let me tell you what an eye opener. I had never had a word that told me what it was that I was experiencing.

The invisible load of motherhood refers to all the things that moms are thinking about that seems to solely be a female thing. And it is in every area of parenting and life really. It is the weight that we carry that no partner will probably ever be able to understand. We carry weight for things that don’t even matter.

Can I tell you something? What I hate most about the invisible weight that my husband does not have, is that, I most often feel it because he simply seems not to care. If I am struggling to get my child or children to sleep and we are out of town for example, but he wants to visit with people or do something more fun. He sometimes simply acts as if there is nothing he can do and leaves me to it. In that moment, I might be on the brink of tears or ready to shoot my rage at all of them. And very often, he knows it but prefers to pretend that it is not happening. Or finally I may get a guilt ridden, do you really need help question. Now I am not an old school woman. I work full time and do most of the child rearing but I don’t think this is solely my job nor does he.

So what is this then? Why are women disproportionately given the work of parenting and household management? Why can’t my husband learn to figure out how to help me?

I DON’T KNOW!! It seems so obvious to me. Also every other woman I know would see it too. I do however have some ideas on what we can do to fix it.

You aren’t going to like this but hear me out. Talk to your partner. I know this is not easy and basically means we are asking for help, ew, but we have to do it if we want anything to change. I don’t mean in broad terms either. I mean lay it out, step by step. There can be no confusion. If you are still waiting for someone to read your mind, you will be waiting for..ever. You must be clear. Dear, I need you to hold this one and keep them out of the room while I get the other to sleep. OR Dear, I need you to do it all tonight because I need a full nights rest. When I realized that in order to get what I need, I had to spell it out, I was a little upset. I mean we are programmed to think that some man is going to understand our every need and complete us. That sh** ain’t real ladies.

What is real is explaining to your partner what you feel like when you are doing ALL. THE. THINGS. Truly telling him the angst, anxiety, depression, sadness, rage, anger and/or helplessness you feel. As well as the complete aloneness for being left to rear children alone. EVEN IF it is not all the time or most the time. Your feelings are valid. There is more to each task for a woman. There just is.

It is no one’s fault. We just think and act in different ways. Women are more all encompassing and men are more singular. Women tend to know, see and be everything for everyone. Men tend to be… not. Women also tend to self sacrifice to the end. I have had days where I don’t remember to go to the bathroom until 5 PM! Tell me a man that doesn’t immediately go to the bathroom the nanosecond he thinks he gets the urge to maybe poop even if he just did that 20 minutes ago! I’ll show you my next husband.

Ok kidding. I really don’t want to do that but that would be some soul mate sh$@.

Please follow happyasamother. She does such a great job showing it in infographics.

Have you gotten on board with speaking to your partner like this?